


Reface

by tappyoca



Series: tappy's mcyt fics [2]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Coming Out, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Lesbian TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Indulgent, Trans Female Character, Trans TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), kinda rushed at the end, misgendering for the first part of the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29775846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tappyoca/pseuds/tappyoca
Summary: Tommy was always different growing up...aka a shortish story of how Tommyinnit realises she's trans, all characters are based of the characters of the people and not the real people themselves
Relationships: Eret & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson, TommyInnit & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbut Soot & TommyInnit
Series: tappy's mcyt fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188461
Comments: 10
Kudos: 196
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	Reface

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically just a rewritten version of my l  
> previous trans!tommy fic because the Urge struck n i was thinking about some of the comments, so enjoy more of me projecting my gender problems onto my comfort creator  
> "Lesbian, Innit?" will be hidden from non-users after this is posted

Tommy was always different growing up, always professing his love for girls of all sorts, yet almost acting like them in ways, his parents would laugh it off with their friends claiming "he'll grow out of it, all little boys are like that," or maybe after a few too many drinks on a weekend they'd say "he's probably going to turn out a bit queer." 

He pushed it aside as he got into older grades, the boys his age no longer naïve little sweethearts, instead turning into rude boys who know the way their words can hurt and how to use them to make it worse, finding a cruel attachment to the slurs the older boys in their lives would spit. Tommy thought himself as lucky that he was raised better, knew more than to say words he doesn't understand and to be kind to those around him. The treatment his peers gave to others soon turned onto him as he found a way to hopefully express himself, Youtube. Fun videos he made with his friends under "ChannelNutPig" quickly because the butt of jokes and harsh bullying, and helped him truly learn just how much those words can hurt.

Leaving behind that channel he thought would be for the better, no more verbal kicks and physical punches thrown as ways to belittle his happiness. Only soon after did he turn to "Tommyinnit," a channel he originally only wanted so he could boost his videos, became his main platforms to post videos about the wonderful game of Minecraft. His following grew quickly as he branched off from Youtube and then onto Twitch, where he met his some of his closest friends, Tubbo and Wilbur Soot.

* * *

"Wilburrrrr" Tommy whined. "It was a joke no one's going to take it seriously!"

"That's what you think Tommy, but it might not be what Twitter thinks!"

Tommy and Wilbur's latest argument over Discord is about the "joke" Tommy made on stream, playing along (or so he claims) with the donation claiming he was a lesbian after his chat's weirdness of guessing and joking about his sexuality. What Tommy really wasn't telling Wilbur is that his bit of "now lets think about this" wasn't so much of a bit, and more of an accidental contemplation in front of thousands of people.

His thoughts he'd pushed away had been nagging at the back of his head, the doubts of his so called "manliness." Tommy thought he could ignore them forever, but they had been catching him every time he looked in the mirror or dozed off into space while bored, even when he shouted too loud about how much of a "man" he was.

"Tommy? Tommy!" Tommy flew put of his thoughts as Wilbur shouted his name.

"What!" He shouted back. "We're just going to be going around in circles with this stupid argument, I'm not tweeting out anything and that's final!"

Wilbur rolled his eyes and groaned "god you're so annoying, don't come crawling to me when you get backlash."

Tommy grunted before ending the call with a quick "bye." Staring at his reflection in the dark grey interface of the Discord app on his desktop. His round eyes and large nose the centerpiece of his masculine face, his oh so masculine face framed by his boyishly cropped blonde hair. "Shut the fuck up" he grumbled to himself, silencing the creeping thoughts crawling into his main conscience. He shut off the computer and PC, quickly turning away so he doesn't get drawn back into staring agonizingly at his reflection in the black screen.

As he crawled into bed that night he opened up Twitter in Google on his phone, not bothering to download the app. As he scrolled through his indirects he noticed tweets yelling about "Lesbianinnit" and the few "honourary lesbian Tommyinnit" that made him laugh. Although there was one that caught his eye, a link to a website he'd only heard of briefly, Archive of Our Own. He clicked onto the link, his curiosity catching the better of him. Tommy scrolled a bit through of what he quickly learned was a fanfic about him being transgender, before swiftly closing the tab, the rush of giddiness he had felt as he read the tags and small sections of the writing, "I can unpack that when I wake up."

* * *

When Tommy woke up the next morning he tried not to dwell on the night before, ignoring all the feelings and emotions, and decided to go on with his day. Although it seemed that going into that link had opened up a Pandora’s Box, almost anywhere he had looked there was an edit of him as a girl or fanfic about him being trans, he marked all the feelings off as him being uncomfortable with it, as something he could talk about on his next stream, it’s surely not any good emotion he’s getting from it, right? 

As Tommy went to leave his house, he got a notification from Discord, a text from Tubbo asking if he wanted to join a CSGO livestream with him and Ranboo.

**Tubbo**

Hey big man! Wanna join my stream? Playing CSGO with Ranboo

**Tommyinnit**

Sorry can’t, about to go out with my parents :sob:

**Tubbo**

Awww :sad: Have fun tho!

Sliding his phone back into his pocket, Tommy felt kind of bad lying to Tubbo like that, but it wasn’t like he could just say “hey yeah sorry man can’t join your stream right now I’m having an emotional crisis,” he sighed heavily, slipping on his shoes and leaving his house. As he got to the trail he usually walked along he saw a group of kids around his age, a group of roadmen to be exact, he paused and quickly looked around for somewhere else to walk before they spotted him.

“Oi! Wha’ the fuck you lookin’ at ya fuckin’ fag!” He froze, they had noticed him, looking back at the group he saw the boy who had yelled, around his height and definitely a lot more muscular.

"Nothing!" Tommy yelled back in a panic. "Just on a walk."

"Yeah? Well you betta' fuckin' walk off before I fuckin' mangle ya'!" Tommy quickly turned around, not wanting to agitate them any further, lest the boy actually goes through with his threat. As he walked off he heard the boy yell a final "Yeah tha's what I though' ya' fuckin' sissy!" Tommy winced at the rude term, something stinging deep down.

Even after his trail was taken over by homophobic bullies, Tommy still wanted to go for a walk, so he changed his direction and headed into town. As he strolled into the city centre he passed by a new boutique, and in the window on a mannequin sat a gorgeous flowy dress, a reddish-pastel pink in colour the style of it almost reminded him of a fancy Ancient Greek chiton he saw in his year 8 history books. He almost went inside to ask for the price before shaking himself out of his daze. He's a boy, why would he want to wear a dress?

“Well Eret’s worn a dress” he mumbled to himself. “Hmm but Eret isn’t really a boy.” He once again snapped out of his thoughts, moving quickly passed the window of the shop before anyone thought he looked suspicious and sped into the Superdry nearby to look at Manly Boy Male Clothes that WEREN’T dresses.

As he walked in he saw a group of girls about his age, all dressed in more alternative fashion unlike a lot of the girls he went to secondary school with. He found himself staring at them basically, transfixed on how confident and happy they seemed. He told himself that he was looking at them because he found them pretty, not at all in any way jealous of the one girl’s long flowing hair partly covered by a beanie, or another’s sharply winged eyeliner and plaid skirt, they simply were just pretty that’s all. He was busy admiring one of the girl’s multi-coloured hair when she turned and looked in his direction, he quickly averted his eyes hoping she didn’t see him staring, although his hopes were soon crushed as he heard small giggles float through the air. Wishing to disappear, Tommy quickly moved to a less visible part of the store, unlucky enough for him it was the “girls” section of the store.

“Excuse me” Tommy whipped around to see one of the girls from the group behind him. “I saw you looking at my friend early and like, she’s not into you mate.”

Tommy wanted to fucking die, “oh no! I just um, her hair was really cool! I really like your guys’ style!”

The girl looked at the clothes behind him and huffed “right yeah sorry, just wanted to make sure she doesn’t have a creep peeping at her.” She spun around and stalked off back to her group, and Tommy discreetly ran out of the store wanting to go home.

As Tommy opened the door home he was greeted by his dad, “oh there ya’ are Tom! Why didn’t ya’ take the dogs with?”

“I went into town, group of sketchy lads were on the trail I usually go with Betty and Walter,” he answered, taking off his shoes and jogging into his room. Tommy shucked off his jacket and flopped onto his bed, opening up his phone to see a few notifications from Discord, nothing important, so he just opened up YouTube to pass the time.

* * *

Tommy didn't stream that night, but he laid awake at 2am from being kept up by his thoughts, thank whatever higher being that he didn’t have to worry about school the next day. His main thought being the most terrifying; the dress, the girls, the jokes. He rolled onto his side and opened his phone to start googling.

**_“why am i so interesting in girls clothing?”_ **

**_“can boys wear skirts?”_ **

**_“can boys dress like girls?”_ **

**_“do i want to be a girl?”_ **

The last one he didn’t even press search before he quickly shut off his phone and practically threw it across his room, the thought was purely impulse and it made his stomach drop. He moved quietly to pick up his phone and open it back up, finishing his thought by pressing search. Everything came rushing at him too quickly, memories from when he was a kid, rude words thrown at him by the other kids, the dress, the girls, the clothes, the thoughts. He put down his phone as tears started pouring down his face, a small sob escaping him, the realisation was far too much and far too terrifying, he curled up on his side and covered himself in his blankets, slowly crying himself to sleep.

He woke up the next day at noon, a small headache from both the profuse sobbing and dehydration caused by the profuse sobbing. He crawled himself out of bed and moved into his kitchen, downing 3 cups of water while thinking about who he could talk to about this.

“Could I talk to Wilbur? No, I doubt he’d be able to help… Tubbo? Oh god he’d be even less help then Wilbur” Tommy paused, he opened Discord on his phone and went to DM the one person he was confident about.

**Tommyinnit**

Hey i know we don’t really talk, but I just wanna know how you knew you went by any pronouns

Tommy turned off his phone and metaphorically held his breath. He stood staring at the black screen, almost shaking, until it lit up at the same time it buzzed, Eret had texted back.

**Eret**

haha no problem

it was a bit of a process but that problem came from more of an education standpoint xP

it’s hard to explain, but it really just boils down to i discovered i felt gender dysphoria

do you wanna talk about it?

**Tommyinnit**

Sorry to keep bothering, but what is gender dysphoria like?

**Eret**

no need to apologize! i’m happy to help :-)

basically when i looked it the mirror i wasn’t 100% happy with what i saw, i thought it was just regular insecurity but turns out it more stemmed from the way i presented myself (in a gender way)

**Tommyinnit**

Yeah i don’t know if i have that, dresses look really pretty tho

**Eret**

haha yeah :D

if you want any more help you can always come to me, also check out this thing called “pronoun changing room” :thumbsup:

**Tommyinnit**

Thank you so much you the help today eret :’) we should talk more

**Eret**

ofc! my dms are always open ;D

Tommy smiled, Eret providing a bit of relief in the fast crashing problem that was… Whatever this situation was. Tommy switched tabs to safari, googling about the “pronoun dressing rooms” Eret had mentioned. Once the web page had loaded Tommy clicked on the first option, a simple pink-hued website with option boxes titled about name, different types of pronouns, and type of person, as well as tick box options for singular or plural. Filling in his name, and following the he/his/him/himself pronouns, then finally ticking off the “singular” option. The website dispensed

_Hello! Today I met a boy who goes by Tommy. He has a wonderful personality. That smile of his really makes me happy. I could talk to him all day although He doesn't talk about himself much. I wonder if his day has been wonderful. I hope so!_

Tommy huffed amused at the paragraph, before thinking back to what he and Eret talked about, and he took the leap.

_Hello! Today I met a girl who goes by Tommy. She has a wonderful personality. That smile of hers really makes me happy. I could talk to her all day although She doesn't talk about herself much. I wonder if her day has been wonderful. I hope so!_

Tommy set his phone down… Or maybe her phone… Tommy wasn’t sure. The sentences using feminine pronouns made Tommy feel so much More than when masculine pronouns were used, Tommy was just confused. Tommy thought hard, connecting all the imaginary strings in the brain.

Tommy’s love for dolls and dress-up when Tommy was young. Words like “sissy” and “girly” hurting so much more than they should. Tommy’s fascination with the dress. Tommy’s admiration of the group of girls. Why Tommy cried to sleep last night. Why feminine pronouns felt so good.

“Am I a girl?” Tommy said aloud. Tommy thought more, imagining a more curvy figure instead of his lanky box, a smaller nose instead of his very prominent one, a softer jawline instead of his sharp one, longer flowing hair instead of his messy cropped style. “Am I a girl?” Tommy said again, a feeling something in between fear and acceptance settling in Tommy’s stomach.

Tommy ran to the PC sitting atop the desk in Tommy’s room, opening up google to look at images; Tommy drawn as a girl in fanart, Tommy gender swapped using apps, then Tommy switched tabs; Tommy drawn as a boy in fanart, screenshots of faces from streams and videos. Continuously switching between the tabs to look at the images Tommy felt something more while looking at the feminine images, the images a physical projection of Tommy's earlier thoughts. “I think I might be a girl,” Tommy whispered, “is that why I like the name Clementine so much?” 

Tommy slid down to the floor and laughed, she laughed, her own weird humour poking out in her spiraling crisis like the bright sun shining through an overcast day. Not bothering to fight the impulse, she opened up the Discord groupchat she had with the Sleepy Bois and Tubbo

**Big Lass Tommy**

Guys i’m trans

She shut her phone off and slid it across the kitchen floor, laughing almost hysterically in relief and happiness, all the years of so much self-doubt and image problems basically having an answer. She crawled over to her phone after it started frantically buzzing.

**Dadza Minecraft**

A daughter!

Lmao Tommy Where’d you go?

**Wilby Scoot**

Congrats!

^^Tommy come back are you good?

**The Blade**

Good job :thumbsup:

**Tubee**

Hell yeah big lass!

D: Tommy come back

**Big Lass Tommy**

Sorry lol _@everyone_ happy time was happening

**Wilby Scoot**

Tommy! do you go by she/her now?

**Big Lass Tommy**

Yep! big lass in da house!

Tommy was filled with practically every positive emotion you could imagine, her brain flooded good vibes.

**Tommyinnit**

I am back to tell you that i actually in fact am trans

**Eret**

LMAOOO

thank you for telling me :-) welcome to the alphabet mafia!

**Tommyinnit**

ALPHABET MAFIA ??

I love it omg xD

oh god how to i come out on twitter :cold_sweat:

**Eret**

don’t rush it (unless you want to) just do it however you’re comfortable, whether a 5 tweet long thread, a twit longer or even a 4 word tweet ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Tommyinnit**

Literally thank you so much for all the help :pleading: you're amazing

**Eret**

:blush: i’m always happy to help!

Tommy logged onto Twitter on her safari, chuckling about how the last time she was on here it started the whole gender crisis.

**Tommyinnit** _ @tommyinnit _

Hello twitter, so basically i’m a trans girl :-)

Tommy let out a long exhale once she pressed tweet, all of the day’s stress and emotions relieving as she watched all the support roll in, she quickly pasted the tweet link into the Dream SMP Discord server with other additional information to keep them informed. Going back to the tweet she saw lots of love from many other LGBT streamers and Youtubers, as well as different female streamers, and many iconic “LesbianInnit” jokes. Tommy sat on her kitchen floor thinking about the dress and all the wonderful tips trans women under her tweet were giving.

“I’m gonna buy that dress” she smiled, “and I will be so dang pretty"

**Author's Note:**

> here's the link to the pronoun dressing room i talked about http://www.pronouns.failedslacker.com/#mythical  
> hoprfully this was more well written than the last mess of 1k words written in half an hour


End file.
